Diary: December 24, 2008

Today is Wednesday, the day before Christ mast. Tomorrow is the day to spend it with your family and get to know converse of the past, present and future happening in our life. In reality, my family does not follow this tradition because we are disconnected. Starting with myself, I am very reserved in my own strange ways. I like to maintain good communication outside my family, but within I don't practice what I preach. I don't know why I get to be disconnected with my family. I am not sure how I got this behavior, which I am having difficult to break off. I do want to share the happy memories and communicate with them more emotionally and personal, but I just can't do it. Is it pride to admit my feeling to them? Was I raised cold blooded? I don't know, but I want to change that. My dad and mom are not getting any younger and in fact, with my dad's medical condition, I start to imagine when the dreaded day comes. Of course, no one wants to think that in the family, however, we must be prepare for it emotionally and financially. The one and only family member that I can talk to very close is my sister, Alejandra. She is more like dad in her emotional state. She is more open and easy to communicate about everyday life and attempts to make our family come more together.

What can I do to bridge the gap with my family? I have debated this question many times this year. I want to communicate better and show my true emotions rather than hidden from them. It is not that I am not conscious of my family emotions. I do take in consideration the trouble they go through and the difficulties we as a family deal with everyday. I want to help them. I want to get my education and graduate with a bachelor degree in order to pursue my dream job. I want them to leave peacefully and financially stable so they can enjoy life. Life is too short for us to be apart emotionally. I for see a change and my new year resolution is going to be just that. I want to come closer to them because life can end instantly.